I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize