you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
