im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
