i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
