wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
