lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
