you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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