Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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