I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
