Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
