i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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