thus making me awesome and them whores
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
