Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize