Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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