The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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