I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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