I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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