I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
