This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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