i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
