we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
