hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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