How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
