i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
