Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude i'm inner monologue high
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
