You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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