I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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