i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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