just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He passed out mid-signature
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize