he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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