So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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