Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
