The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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