i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
