I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
