party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
