I wanna bring you to show and tell
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
