i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
