I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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