I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
