K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
