why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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