I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
