I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
