Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
