I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
