So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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