she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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