She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
