He kissed a someone with a penis
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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