you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
