Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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