just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
