She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
