it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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