Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
