You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
