So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
