Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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