I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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