i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
