I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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