he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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