hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
