You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
