woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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