it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
