did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This house was built for laser tag.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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