Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
