Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
