i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
