I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
