his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
