I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
