Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
