i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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