My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
