Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, beer. Big fan.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
