i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
