Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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