We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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