They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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