The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
