I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
