You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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