using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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