Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize