so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
