I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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