His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
