i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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