her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
