So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
