just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
