I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
