textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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