did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
