Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
