these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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