ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
