I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
