My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
