Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
