I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
