This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
