Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
