Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
