so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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