so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize