I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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