so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
