In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
