If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
