Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
