Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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