Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
